I'm Baaccck...with a Holiday Hangover

I know you missed me. I MISSED YOU TOO. I took a break from blogging (if everyone gets a holiday weekend, so should we bloggers and housewives). Over the last five days, my life was extremely packed with food, fun, and family.  I have what I like to call a holiday hangover. This means that after an overload of direct social interaction (after all, I spend my days online/communicating digitally), my senses are still recovering and returning to normal.

- SOUND: I have ignored 27 missed calls, 49 text pings, and a couple of knocks from the FedEx guy.
- SMELL: If a sinkful of dishes soaks in the kitchen, and no one is in the immediate vicinity, do they have a smell?
- SIGHT: I can no longer distinguish between food and soap; between all the eating and cleaning, it all blurs together.
- TOUCH: Reaching up to my head... is that a bow in my hair? I think I tried to wrap myself.
- TASTE: I just ate an entire box of frozen bon-bons because I can't feel my (totally overworked) tastebuds.

I have no idea if this post made sense or if it was an anomaly.

Deliriously Deliciously yours,

Harvard Housewife

Pooch Police

Had a whirlwind weekend and have lots of tantalizing details to share, but I'm still percolating about the best way to blog about "the glam life" or is it the "pseudo glam life"... Maybe I will develop my adventures on the town into a short story series. I'm brainstorming so it'll be ready for December.

A tidbit from our partay Saturday night.

Me: Honey, how does this dress look?

It's a breathtaking backless black dress with sheer sleeves and a scoop neckline. Kind of like this dress, but short and with a lower neckline.

Hubby: Great!

Me (turning sideways): Can you see the pooch? BE HONEST WITH ME!!!

Hubby: Ummm

Me: BE HONEST!!

Hubby: Yes, you can see the pooch.

Me: Ok, so I shouldn't wear it??

Hubby (panicked): Yes...um, no.

I try on a corset, but it smashes all my curves down. Curves are good ladies, so in the end decide to wear the dress sans corset, pooch and all, BUT ask my hubby to be "the Pooch Police."  I felt like I was channeling Joan (Christina Hendricks) from Mad Men and working my shape so I felt confident.

Me: "I'm sucking in all night so if you see the pooch making an appearance, say PP (stands for Pooch Police) really loud."

Hubby: "I'm not yelling pee-pee at a swanky club."

#PrayersForAnissa

In lieu of the regular interview-style Housewife of the Week (HOW), this week I spotlight Anissa.

HOW does she do it?

HOW does she have 3 kids & 3 blogs?

HOW does she stay so fun and fresh?

HOW is she so incredibly amazing? Despite one stroke and now another. And a child with cancer. Pray for her please.

I just found out about her last week, became immersed in her blog and story. She is alternately hilarious and inspiring, exactly the kind of woman I am overjoyed to find online.

The Glamorous Life

I have a secret...

My life isn't all that mundane.

While thinking about what I'm thankful for this week, I realized something huge! For the typical housewife, I lead an atypically glam lifestyle. So while I'm parts cleaning/cooking/dusting lady, I'm also part pampered princess.  Like all those Disney Fairytales --from Cinderella to Snow White, I transform, usually on weekend nights.

A stylist is coming over tomorrow to do my hair (only happens once every three months but still...), then I'm going to a Roaring Twenties party at a premiere downtown club. But, first, piles of laundry, which, by the way, I'm finally doing (victory dance).

My PARTY ACCESSORIES: 
Designer 4-inch heels + Forever 21 headband 
(classic high/low mix)

So it took some prayer and enlightenment for me to truly appreciate my life as it is, blessed! So I'll hope you'll enjoy reading my new section called "The Glam Life" where I'll highlight the other side of the young housewife experience.

Read more Glam Life entries.

Aprons and High Heels

Us housewives have a lot of unglamorous stuff on our plates (literally and figuratively). But you can't let the job get you frumpified (frumpy + fried). Meaning, adding some glamour into the everyday is one way I fight back against housewife malaise.

Amazing what wearing a cute apron and high heels around the house will do for your spirits.

Visit flirty apron for more styles, get your own custom Sassy apron, or check out your local discount retailer (Target, Ross, TJMaxx/Marshalls for cute buys under $10).

Don't forget the heels!  And see how other ladies fight the frump at Blissfully Domestic.

The Great Food Purge + Gross Things in My Fridge

Have you ever opened your fridge and screamed????

My hubby and I are doing our yearly food experiment where we "eat through our pantry/fridge" right before Thanksgiving. Apropos, I have not gone grocery shopping in a few weeks. We just keep eating what we have until it is all gone. The GREAT FOOD PURGE reminds us to be thankful, keeps us thinnish, and of course, forces us to be creative in coming up with new dishes like:

- bachelor nachos: stale-ish baked corn chips (if they were fried, they'd be looong gone), canned beans, random cheese leftovers, and hot sauce
- wine drowned chicken (pretty good actually): Just saute some chicken breasts, onions, salt and pepper, then pour tons of wine and a little sugar over it.

The fridge is very empty and the pantry...well, it looks like it's going to be tuna, olives, pancakes and bbq sauce for dinner. Anyway, I was scavenging for food this morning and stumbled across some HORROR in the back of the fridge.

Supposed to be Mini Pumpkin Dessert. Made a few weeks back. I know you wanted to see pictures!

Me (to hubby): How does it taste?

Hubby (trying not to choke): Hmmmm, it's good.

Me: Put it down. It tastes like dry gruel.

Hubby then puts it hides it in the fridge, pretending he's going to finish it later.

Regarding this dish, I'm not sure even Oliver would have said: "Please sir, some more".

---

Shrimp Melange (with a french accent)

I was making this Self Magazine recipe which I've made successfully in the past. But I didn't have mangos, so I used mushrooms. Did not turn out the same at all!

I felt bad about throwing out shrimp so I put in fridge and forgot all about it.

---

And finally, Bread Remnants.

1/2 a jamaican beef patty
1/2 an English muffin
1/2  a pita

I cannot explain this except to say the 1/2 slices are symbolic of either
a) my being 1/2 of a wonderful marriage
OR
b) my feeling a lack of wholeness by being just a housewife without kiddies.
*OR it could just be that I was low-carb dieting and only eating 1/2 of bread items.

What have you discovered in your fridge lately?

Featured Housewife of the Week [HOW]: Lisa-Jo

Meet The Gypsy Mama.
Full of enchanting spirit, she writes about her magical life's journey across 3 continents. She's a special kind of domestic blogger who intersperses her daily musings with uplifting prose.

Favorite cities: Pretoria, South Africa; Washington, DC, USA; Prague, Czech Republic

Best Housewife Tip: Dishes will wait, kids won’t.

Bio: I am South African by birth and American by marriage and am slowly learning that home is not a place. It is a person. Our family, sure, but primarily a God who is at home everywhere, who understands the cultures we oftentimes could not and who doesn’t think only in English, but is fluent in Russian, Zulu, Arabic and Afrikaans. And let’s face it, travel flat-out rocks. I mean, apart from the odd 32-hour-trip here and there that is characterized by insane kids and the horror of having run out of diapers, fresh clothes and milk. Despite these misadventures the extraordinary friendships we have formed across the miles are something we wouldn’t trade for all the white picket fences in the world.

My husband and I have two young sons who color our lives and complicate our frequent travel; stop by and visit with us at www.thegypsymama.com where I write about life lived in between countries, callings and kids. You can follow me on Twitter @thegypsymama and subscribe to my blog here.

Magic and Mayhem

In case you haven't noticed, I'm still very upsessed (upset + obsessed) with the fact that I got fired. I'm really having a hard time getting over it, like that first crush who broke your heart and you keep calling each year just to say "Happy Birthday" when you're really saying: "Take Me Back. I Am Worth It."

The Mayhem Moment was that last day at work. I sat in my boss's office for my final (as he saw it) "You're incompetent" lecture, (as I saw it) his "I'm crazy" speech. Abruptly, he asked me: "How are you doing?" Up until then, I held it together: strong, fierce, even a dash impertinent.

But in that moment, I broke down and blubbered. Not like a cute little girl, but like a dying fish. I just lost it. And I couldn't get it together. Even though I was wearing my brand new power outfit, bought just hours earlier to give me the confidence to accept my fate. Through my slightly hysterical, slightly hilarious sob-hiccups, I glanced up and I swear, I swear to you... he smirked. Like he had finally broken me down. That's the moment that has flashed itself in my head over and over again these past few months. Flashed then printed onto an huge 27x40 (poster size) shadow that lingers behind me, restlessly disrupting even the simplest household task.

But, today, I realized something. I'd forgotten the moment that happened a few hours later. I came home to the MOST WONDERFUL man, who hugged me, poured gin down my throat, and kept telling me how he was so proud of me for leaving my so-called cushy job. That even though I was fired, it was my decision to finally let go of the toxicity of the situation and embrace my independence. That is the MAGIC MOMENT that will forever blot out the MAYHEM.

Waking Up the Hubby in the Middle of the Night

My hubby and I watched a funny stand-up routine by comedian Ralphie May. He talked about wives who wake up their husbands in the middle of the night for fatuous reasons. It had us in stitches.

A few days later, at around 2 am, I walk into our bedroom.

Me (looking at my husband fast asleep in bed): Honey?

Hubby (grumbling): Yes, dear.

Me: Does it smell like hamburger in here?

Hubby: What? (Still half asleep but sniffing...)

Me: Hamburger. Why does it smell like we've been grilling in the bedroom?

Hubby (now awake): Hmm, it does!

Me (satisfied to have my suspicions confirmed): Ok, good night.

I walk out and start dusting the tv. Insomnia and me are like best friends these days.

The next morning, my husband points out I did exactly what Ralphie May talked about. I cannot stop laughing. I didn't even realize it. He is soo right.

Start video at the 5 minute mark to watch just the section I mentioned or watch the whole video if you have time. You will LAUGH! (warning: strong language, sexual content)

Prepping for My Mother's Visit

My Mother is on her way...In two weeks, she will be here sitting in my living room and judging my life.

We all know how moms are your biggest fan and biggest critic. I know that her constant advice comes from a place of love. She just wants THE BEST for me. By seeing me living my best life, it's validation that she did a good job raising me.

Anyway, to get ready, I've got a "Mom Prep To-Do LIST" (to ameliorate my situation).

• 1. Make sure all my bathroom hand towels match. Um, yeah.
  
• 2. Lose ten pounds (because she'll worry I'm unhappy when she sees my weight gain).
  
• 3. Get a facial peel. Creates that "glow" that says suburban bliss.
  
• 4. Learn how to bake (I've been practicing. Unfortunately, my crustless mini pumpkin pies turned out as bread pudding. I have no idea how this happened!)
  
• 5. Buy matching fall sweaters for the hubby and I.

So maybe I'm kind of kidding, but I'm also kind of serious. I love my mom and want her to be proud of the (house)wife I am.

The Mask is Off. I'm Serious. I'm a Housewife. Starting Today.

Today is my first day as a housewife. I mean it.

Up until now, I've been wearing the title like a plaid jacket, the latest trendy coverall that you slip on in the morning and discard once the weather warms up.

I've secretly been looking for jobs while smiling and wearing the face of a happy stay at home wife. In reality, I feel like I lost myself when I lost my job. My life has, in many ways, been defined by my achievements and successes outside my front doors. Now, my entire life can be described by what I accomplish in the home, between scrubbing the tub in the morning and putting dinner on the table at night.

After last week's monumental disappointment (I interviewed for and "lost" my ultimate dream job), I've decided to embrace my new life. After working in the outwardly glamourous/inwardly cutthroat movie business, being at home just seems like settling.

The dishes are put away and I've sorted the laundry (this is more in one day than I've done in weeks). I'm finally ready to accept the title of housewife and give it meaning for myself. We will see what is next.

That is what I learned today.

Featured Housewife of the Week [HOW] - Heather

Heather from Charlotte, NC sparkles with wit and personality. I love a fellow funny girl, and she can COOK to boot. One day, if I'm feeling bold, I may attempt one of her elaborate recipes.

Best Housewife Tip: Pop a darvocet before you clean and down a glass of wine before the in-laws show up.

Her Bio: Mom of four and proof that being a teen mom doesn't mean you'll end up a dead beat. I'm a former 7th grade social studies and theater arts teacher, but decided in 2006 to stay at home. Besides, my husband said it would be too expensive for me to go back to work. What that really means is, he doesn't want to do the dishes or housework of any shape or form. I currently spend my days doing monotonous tasks like baking, cooking, laundering, scrubbing, reading chick lit, and daydreaming about the book I'll finish someday that will surely be bought up by Lifetime for a movie.

Her Blog: Stepford Life

Picking Out A Thanksgiving Tablescape

When the Pilgrims celebrated the First Thanksgiving in 1621, I'm sure they didn't worry about having matching leaf-shaped serveware and turkey-shaped place settings. They were just grateful to be alive. But now in the 21st century, a beautiful table setting often "sets" the vibe for Thanksgiving dinner. Here are my autumn tablescape rules:

1. I will not stick a random seasonal object on each person's plate. I just know my mom will ask: Why is there an acorn in my cup?

This tablescape is part of HGTV's glittering fall tablescapes section.

2. I will be inspired by Martha Stewart's streamlined ideas, even if people think it looks boring. Simplicity never goes out of style.

A Timeless and Luxurious Table

A Simply Elegant Table

3. I will not stack 3 plates just because it looks fancy, but we really only need one plate.

This look may be for you if you're one of those supercooks who serves multiple courses.

4. I will run screaming from anyone who tries to make me do an over-the-top tricked out autumn theme.

Cute, perhaps, but so not me.

5. Even if I burn all the food, at least my table will look fabulous, darling.

Overpronaters Anonymous

Hi, my name is Harvard Housewife and I overpronate. In case you are wondering what this means... It is a fancy word for why a specialty running shop sells you suspiciously expensive shoes for your childhood (feet) issues.

Or some would say: "I run funny cause I ain't got no arches."

I'm all for any excuse to get new shoes (with motion control).
Super-fancy!

Before I actually start running, I am going to walk. In my living room.

Baby steps.

I've committed to standing in front of the tv (instead of sitting) and walking in place for one hour while watching my favorite shows. I got the idea from Tyra Banks' weight loss secret.

WISH ME LUCK.

Weighty Questions

Years ago, my mom, who is always right, told me: One day your body will catch up with your mouth. In other words, what I ate would start showing up on my thighs. At the time, I was in the best shape of my life running track and playing soccer --and eating enough to feed two large mules. Now I only eat enough to feed one scrawny goat, but it makes no difference.

I'm thrilled to announce that my metabolism has now slowed down so that as soon as I eat a piece of cake it magically goes straight to my hips.

If you could choose one area of your body where all the weight would pool, where would it be? Or is this just too abhorrent a question to even ask?

Poo-Poo Vs Doo-Doo

What is the difference between poo-poo and doo-doo? And is it appropriate to talk about this online? WARNING: Stop reading right now if you're easily grossed by talk of bodily functions.

• Poo-poo is what kids do.
  
• Doo-doo is what grown men do (pun intended).

Also, I gotta wonder...at what age does poo-poo become doo-doo?

My husband spent, I kid you not, 30 minutes in the bathroom last night. "Honey, is everything ok in there?" I asked. I wondered if it was my meatloaf. I got a little too creative and blended all kinds of things in there. Why not? It seemed genius to merge many food groups into one dish. Beef + eggs (meat/protein), cauliflower + broccoli + carrots (veggies), oats and bread crumbs (whole grains), tomato (fruit). And , yes, a tomato is a fruit.

Me: Squealing EWWWWWWWWWWW for a full minute, after finding out that the hubby blocked the toilet. And then he further grosses me out by saying: "When you go, it's plop and you're done. I do that like 30 times."

So if you've ever wondered what he's doing in there for so long, don't. Just make sure the man has something to read while he's in there. And do not under any circumstances enter the bathroom for at least one hour after he's done.

Keep Him Interested [2] - The Importance of Date Night

My new birth control pills have triggered emotional mood swings. And did I mention that my boobs are huge?

On Friday, I acted like a contumacious brat refusing to leave the house, then I berated my husband for reserving our tickets for the early (instead of late) show, then complained I was hungry even though I made us late so we couldn't eat dinner first. Then, finally, on the way out the door I burst into a 10 second mini-sob spell as I apologized for acting so terrible.

I blame the pills!

But once we arrived at the galleria, watched the show and ate dinner, all my angst disappeared and we had a fantastic date night. Point is we always do, no matter what has happened before. There's something magical about setting aside time for just the two of you to reconnect and enjoy each other.

That's my KEEP HIM INTERESTED tip for this week. Take turns planning a Weekly (or Monthly) Date Night. Don't underestimate its importance.

Read about JustHeather's Alphabet dating or TheNest has several date night ideas. Personally, I almost always just end up going with what pops into my head. We all know what we like and what our man likes best.

Here are a couple of my favorite date nights (always budget conscious)

• My Idea: A State Fair trip - I blindfolded my husband and took him to the fair (surprise!). We saw a rock concert, had wine samples (my favorite was an award winning wine called Monogamy), petted sheep (feels like a wool sweater!) and other animals, rode a bull, ate foot long corndogs, screamed on many sketchy flying rides, and of course kissed atop ferris wheel. I found a great fair package online and only spent $35 total including admission for both of us, plus gas.
• His Idea: Margaritas and Game night. Battle of the Sexes and alcohol makes for a hilarious night. You can each make special cocktails for each other then play a board game or video game of your choice. Wii tennis or boxing can let you fight it out in a good way.

What are your date night ideas?

Blog Envy

Have you heard about YOUNGHOUSELOVE.com blog? It makes me covetous I must admit. This couple and their blog is that perfect mix of whimsy + beauty. Their genuine story (fell in love and found their dream home in record time), chic pad (designed it themselves), and fans (they started blogging and became famous) makes me wonder why my life is not that idyllic. It all seems so perfect.

My best friend would tell me to chant: "My grass is green enough. My grass is green enough. My grass is green enough."

And my self-help book would tell me to look jealousy in the face, push it aside and say (of the thing I covet): "That's for me, too!" In other words, instead of wanting what you don't have, have what you want.

But have you seen their grass?????

Featured Housewife of the Week [HOW] - Deb

Meet Deb, aka Chatty Gal, 31, who currently lives in Orlando, Florida. She's like your best girlfriend next door, who's also a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), and in the know about everything.

I was born and raised in Savannah, Georgia so I am southern girl at heart.

Bio: I am a graduate from the University of Georgia (Go Dawgs!) with a degree in Early Childhood Elementary. Afterwards, I attended Georgia Southern University and received my Master’s in Information Technology. I married my childhood sweetheart and taught second grade for four years. I also did web design work on the side to stay somewhat tech savvy. I am fortunate to stay at home with our two beautiful children who keep me busy. I just started the ChattyGal.com blog and have been having fun sharing information. In my little spare time, I enjoy reading, crafts, being outside, exercising, cooking, and traveling.

Best Housewife Tip: Always stay connected with friends and never stop begin who YOU are.

Never Fail Appetizer - Charleston Cheese Dip

Gather Your Ingredients
½ cup of mayonnaise
1 8oz. package of cream cheese (softened)
½ cup finely chopped onions
1 cup of grated cheddar cheese
1 package of Real Bacon Crumbles

Make It
Stir the mayonnaise, cream cheese, onions, bacon, and cheddar cheese together. Put in a small baking dish. Bake at 350˚for 30 minutes. Serve with crackers.